The Fawn Response

 The fawn response is what is commonly known as people pleasing behavior:

What I’m focused on is approval and validation or mollifying someone who might be unhappy with me.

Instead of asking myself “what do I really think, feel, need?” I ask myself “what does this person want to hear? What would please them?”

I disregard what I need to make room for what everyone else needs, not because I am generous but because I am trying to survive. After years of this I lose touch with myself. I don’t know what I need.

I cannot make decisions without advice - others make decisions for me, which, one decision at a time implies relinquishing the direction of my life.

I step into the role other people have anointed me with. “The responsible one.” “The helpful one.” “The resourceful one.”

I avoid confrontation or conflict by circumventing, avoiding or agreeing.

I have no boundaries (I never say “no” or “that’s not what I want to do” or “I have a different opinion.”)

I am very concerned with what others think of me and spend a lot of energy attempting to manage their perception of me (by over-explaining, pleasing, helping, fixing, solving.)

The antidote to the Fawn response is finding myself through the constant practice of setting boundaries.

It takes time and dedication and every time I feel like I’m not doing it right I can start over.

-Dushka Zapata

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